This Is My Life

When I look in the mirror, there are some things that I don’t like about myself and I know that I’ll always probably feel that way. I have wild, thick, and wavy brown hair that I wish would cooperate with me more but that doesn’t. More times than not, there will be a few spots of acne on my face that I always make worse by picking at, and then they end up bleeding and scabbing over. Despite the fact that I had braces throughout my freshman and sophomore year of high school, some of my bottom teeth are still a little crooked. But when you get to know me, you don’t get to know these things that I consider imperfections.

I’m much more than any of those things that I’ve listed above and that’s something that I’ve worked really hard to teach myself. If you haven’t noticed yet, my name is Lesley and this is my first blog post. Writing is something that I’ve always been interested in but my writing was never something that I shared with other people, much less the whole world. When I found out I was pregnant, the first thing I did was go to make a new Twitter account to follow all the “Twitter Moms” that I could find, and ultimately, that’s what really sparked my desire to start a lifestyle blog and to write about the challenges and the rewards of pregnancy, and come November, of motherhood.

I’m sure my story begins the same way that a lot of yours have… My parents chose drugs and a partying lifestyle over their children and left me and two of my sisters in the care of my great-grandmother. I never saw much of my parents when I was growing up but there were a few times when they’d pop up, stay a little while, and then disappear again. Living with my great grandmother definitely wasn’t easy but I’ll always be grateful that she made sure we were all taken care of. There were a couple of years where I still lived with my grandmother but my parents were around a lot more and I got to develop a closer relationship with them, and I found out that I was a lot more like my dad. They might have had relationships with some of their children but they didn’t completely give up that partying lifestyle that I mentioned earlier, and that led to both my mother and father being arrested. While my dad was in jail, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer and he passed away in 2012. After that our mother disappeared again and when my great grandmother became too old to take care of herself, we were placed into the custody of my great-aunt. My great grandmother passed away in 2013, and my great aunt passed away in 2016. There are a lot of details that I’m leaving out about those years and someday, I’ll write more about those.

I graduated high school in 2017 and spent my first year of college at Northern Kentucky University, about two hours away from home. My first few weeks of college were great but the longer I was there, the more I realized just how much I missed my family and how bad I wanted to be home with them again. I started skipping class after class, I made hardly any attempts to make new friends or to make new memories. Towards the end of my second semester, I started to notice little things about myself that were odd. I was always exhausted no matter how much sleep I had the night before, and everything made me out of breath. My dorm room was on the third floor of my building and by that time, I had become used to the three flights of stairs that I had to travel to get to my room. But towards the end of the semester, walking up those steps seemed to drain every ounce of energy that I had. My period was also late but I had always had irregular periods to me, so that never struck me as odd.

Eight weeks later, my boyfriend Zane and I were talking on the phone (I was still about two hours away from him at the time, but we hung out almost every weekend). At this point, we both knew that there was a strong possibility that I could be pregnant because of how late my period had become. Pregnancy was not something that I had planned during the first year of my relationship with Zane, and it wasn’t something that I had planned for my freshman year of college. The more we talked about it, though, the more we realized that if we took a test and it was positive, this would be very far from the end of the world. This would be the beginning of a new one for the both of us, even if it was unexpected. We took two tests that next weekend and they were both positive. After talking about it, I decided that it would be best for me to e-mail my professors to let them know what was going on, and to see if there was any way that I could submit my work from home.

Twenty four weeks later, Zane and I now know that our little baby girl will be here in early November. This might not be the life that I had planned for myself in my head, but this is my life and there’s nothing that I would change about it.

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At 19 years old, I am an avid lover of Jesus, a mother-to-be, a girlfriend to Zane, and a lover of everything country music.

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